So, here's another blog from me. This time, it's all about getting fit.
I've been having a lot of issues with getting and staying fit lately. It has been a rollercoaster of being super on track one week and crashing the next week. Two weeks ago, I was eating really well and avoiding sweets, along with working out and taking classes every day. By that weekend, I was back to eating fast food every meal and sneaking snacks all of the time.
It's hard for me. I have no idea why. The last time I remember actively working out all of the time and "eating well", I was doing it to win my ex-boyfriend back. I had the mentality that if I was skinnier, I would be more attractive and he would want to be together again. Eating well is in quotes, because I was starving myself.
I have anorexia. I have had it since I was in fourth grade. When I graduated high school, I was 5'7", and weighed 110. I was a size 2 and you could see my hip bones and ribs. I had a thigh gap, and wore small/extra small shirts. And I thought that I was fat. I was a competitive cheerleader and dancer, and would use that to my "advantage" in order to lose weight. I would not eat breakfast or lunch (with the exception of maybe a bag of chips for lunch every one and a while). I would tell my parents I wasn't hungry or that I had eaten at work after practice (which was never the truth). When we would go out to eat, I would eat very little on my plate. I saw nothing wrong with what I was doing.
It has been 5 years since my last serious episode with my anorexia. Every now and then I slip back into it. However, I am very open about my eating disorder and I think that it helps. Everyone in my life knows to watch for the signs of me slipping back into it. I am very aware of what I eat and how I eat. I have a very strange relationship with food. I absolutely love food (despite my picky eating), but I hate putting it into my body because in my twisted mind it has made me so "fat".
I am going to be restarting my fitness journey. This is not to lose weight. This is to get back into shape and start putting healthier things into my body. I am doing this for my health, not for the image that I think I need to meet because of the standards society has. I eat trash all of the time, and know that this can cause so many health issues as I get older.
I'm hoping that in writing this blog, I can hold myself more accountable. If I know I have a blog post that I have to write, hopefully I will be more inclined to eat right and work out. Here's hoping. Cross your fingers for me, friends.
I've been having a lot of issues with getting and staying fit lately. It has been a rollercoaster of being super on track one week and crashing the next week. Two weeks ago, I was eating really well and avoiding sweets, along with working out and taking classes every day. By that weekend, I was back to eating fast food every meal and sneaking snacks all of the time.
It's hard for me. I have no idea why. The last time I remember actively working out all of the time and "eating well", I was doing it to win my ex-boyfriend back. I had the mentality that if I was skinnier, I would be more attractive and he would want to be together again. Eating well is in quotes, because I was starving myself.
I have anorexia. I have had it since I was in fourth grade. When I graduated high school, I was 5'7", and weighed 110. I was a size 2 and you could see my hip bones and ribs. I had a thigh gap, and wore small/extra small shirts. And I thought that I was fat. I was a competitive cheerleader and dancer, and would use that to my "advantage" in order to lose weight. I would not eat breakfast or lunch (with the exception of maybe a bag of chips for lunch every one and a while). I would tell my parents I wasn't hungry or that I had eaten at work after practice (which was never the truth). When we would go out to eat, I would eat very little on my plate. I saw nothing wrong with what I was doing.
It has been 5 years since my last serious episode with my anorexia. Every now and then I slip back into it. However, I am very open about my eating disorder and I think that it helps. Everyone in my life knows to watch for the signs of me slipping back into it. I am very aware of what I eat and how I eat. I have a very strange relationship with food. I absolutely love food (despite my picky eating), but I hate putting it into my body because in my twisted mind it has made me so "fat".
I am going to be restarting my fitness journey. This is not to lose weight. This is to get back into shape and start putting healthier things into my body. I am doing this for my health, not for the image that I think I need to meet because of the standards society has. I eat trash all of the time, and know that this can cause so many health issues as I get older.
I'm hoping that in writing this blog, I can hold myself more accountable. If I know I have a blog post that I have to write, hopefully I will be more inclined to eat right and work out. Here's hoping. Cross your fingers for me, friends.
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